so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
