You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
