He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
