Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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