Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize