He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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