on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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