Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
