Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
