her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
