I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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