Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
