Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
