haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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