At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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