How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
