we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
