Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
