The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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