just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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