i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
