Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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