Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
