I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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