God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
