I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
