He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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