I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
