nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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