We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
how drunk are you?
Several
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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