Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
