it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
