is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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