Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
