Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
