Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
