You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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