just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
