We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
