Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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