that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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