i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
