she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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