To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
