There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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