I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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