He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
