You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
