...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
