my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
