I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
