how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
