I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
