That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
