WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
