I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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