So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
