It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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