it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
