areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You are the jesus of drinking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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