He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
