I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
