i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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