you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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